Reflecting on my last week muraja3a/muhasaba

Hamdullilah, I feel thankful for this class - this last week I have been attempting to make thikr as much as possible. One thing that I struggle with is lowering my gaze. I find that it is so greedy and unidirectional. I am finding that the thikr + the gaze makes me stop due to the clash. I realize they are loved too by God, no matter whom they are God is anxiously waiting for them to return to him and that by objectifying them I am disrespecting them and God.
I also struggled with staying positive with my wife. While she was away I deepened into my practices and found such joy and when she returned and started telling me that the house was a mess, I felt hurt and heard a new type of thikr in my mind “go away” - I’d like to learn how to deal with these thoughts. I worked on replacing it immediately with “ya lateef” or “la illaha illaallah” except I find that the flavor of negativity pervades and I can’t shake it. It gets better when she leaves the house, although that’s no way to live.

Anyhow, insha’allah this isn’t too much sharing with no reason and that this sort of accountability is interesting / useful. Salam.

ahh my dear respected brother I hear you even though I am a older divorce sister. I am guilty of doing this with my adult daughters as I am a clean fanatic as I was raised this way by Caribbean parents. I have learnt over the last few years that even if I don’t like the mess just say a kind word and just say Alhamduillah and also I find when I offer to help clean up that it makes life easier when we all pitch in.
I look at is as is the mess permanently absolutely not. Now that I am retired I look at all my blessings and realize that so what if there is a mess over look it as this is not that deep. Trust me it took a lot for me to get to this stage especially having my 2 grandsons living with me and recently found out that my 4 yearly grandson has some spectrum of Autism, not easy to deal with but I look at it as a huge blessing from Allah. Just say to your wife dear what would you like help with. At the end of the day Allah is who we aim to please. Hope this helps. I really respect and appreciate your work. your sister in Islam