Hamdullilah, I feel thankful for this class - this last week I have been attempting to make thikr as much as possible. One thing that I struggle with is lowering my gaze. I find that it is so greedy and unidirectional. I am finding that the thikr + the gaze makes me stop due to the clash. I realize they are loved too by God, no matter whom they are God is anxiously waiting for them to return to him and that by objectifying them I am disrespecting them and God.
I also struggled with staying positive with my wife. While she was away I deepened into my practices and found such joy and when she returned and started telling me that the house was a mess, I felt hurt and heard a new type of thikr in my mind “go away” - I’d like to learn how to deal with these thoughts. I worked on replacing it immediately with “ya lateef” or “la illaha illaallah” except I find that the flavor of negativity pervades and I can’t shake it. It gets better when she leaves the house, although that’s no way to live.
Anyhow, insha’allah this isn’t too much sharing with no reason and that this sort of accountability is interesting / useful. Salam.